Visions of reality

Im waiting for something really important in my life.  Its supposed to change the way I live and lead me into a new direction in my career.  They gave me until Friday (11 November 2005) and said that a decision would be reached after.   Its been four days since, and not a word from them.  Although I do understand that it might take a while, but the wait is really killing me.  I constantly get chest pains thinking about it.  It hurts so much! Makes me think about my wife and son, and the kind of life it could give to them.  Im sorry!  I wish I could do more!  Im still praying that the good news will come soon.  I just hope it does.  The pain is still here.  It still hurts!   :(

I have nothing else to post, so I just decided to place lyrics to the song "Change of Seasons" by Dream Theater (check my previous post to know who Dream Theater is).  Its a friggin’ long song, 23:05 to be exact.  There are only a few bands out there who can brag on writting a terribly long song, while still being able to make sense.
_____________________________________

A Change Of Seasons Lyrics
- Mike Portnoy

I. The Crimson Sunrise
(Instrumental)

II. Innocence
I remember a time
My frail, virgin mind
watched the crimson sunrise
Imagined what it might find
Life was filled with wonder
I felt the warm wind blow
I must explore the boundaries
Transcend the depth of winter’s snow
Innocence caressing me
I never felt so young before
There was so much life in me
Still I longed to search for more
But those days are gone now
Changed like a leaf on a tree
Blown away forever
into the cool autumn breeze
The snow has now fallen
and my sun’s not so bright
I struggle to hold on
with the last of my might
In my den of inequity
viciousness and subtlety
struggle to ease the pain
struggle to find the sane
Ignorance surrounding me
I’ve never been so filled with fear
All my life’s been drained from me
The end is drawing near….

III. Carpe Diem
‘Carpe diem, seize the day’
I’ll always remember
The chill of November
The news of the fall
The sounds in the hall
The clock on the wall ticking away
‘Seize the Day’
I heard him say
Life will not always be this way
Look around
Hear the sounds
Cherish your life while you’re still around

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying."

We can learn from the past
But those days are gone
We can hope for the future
But there might not be one
The words stuck in my mind
alive from what I’ve learned
I have to seize the day
To home I returned
Preparing for her flight
I held with all my might
Fearing my deepest fright
She walked into the night
She turned for one last look
She looked me in the eye
I said, ‘I Love You…Good-bye’

"It’s the most awful thing you’ll
ever hear."
"If you’re lying to me…"
"Oh, you dearly love her."
"…just have to leave… all our lives."
"Seize the day!"
"Something happened.
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"She was killed."

IV. The Darkest of Winters
(Instrumental)

V. Another World
So far or so it seems
All is lost with nothing fulfilled
Off the pages and a T.V. screen
Another world where nothing’s true
Tripping through the life fantastic
Lose a step and never get up
Left alone with a cold blank stare
I feel like giving up
I was blinded by a paradise
Utopia high in the sky
A dream that only drowned me
Deep in sorrow, wondering why
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don’t let him be
Let’s feed upon his misery
Then string him up for all the world to see
I’m sick of all you hypocrites
holding me at bay
And I don’t need your sympathy
to get me through the day
Seasons change and so can I
Hold on Boy, No time to cry
Untie these strings, I’m climbing down
I won’t let them push me away
Oh come let us adore him
Abuse and then ignore him
No matter what, don’t let him be
Let’s feed upon his misery
Now it’s time for them to deal with me

VI. The Inevitable Summer
(Instrumental)

VII. The Crimson Sunset
I’m much wiser now
A lifetime of memories
run through my head
They taught me how
for better or worse, alive or dead
I realize there’s no turning back
Life goes on the offbeaten track
I sit down with my son
Set to see the Crimson Sunset
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
Many years have come and gone
I’ve lived my life, but now must move on
(Gather ye rosebuds while ye may)
He is my only one
Now that my time has come
Now that my life is done
We look into the sun
‘Seize the day and don’t you cry,
Now it’s time to say good-bye
Even though I’ll be gone,
I will live on, live on.’

**If you feel you’d like to hear the song, send me an email and i’ll send you a copy of the mp3.

Ever since my wife gave birth, there is one thing that has always stuck in my mind. 

"IT’S HARD TO BE A MOM, GIVING LABOR AND BREASTFEEDING ARE THE MOST DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE A WOMAN COULD EVER ENDURE!"

I have heard this comment hundreds of times, not only from my wife but also from family and friends.   Personally, I have to agree.  I say "have to" , because we as men, could never experience this pain and suffering endured by women.  They are definitely God’s greatest creations.  But I’d like to offer my page of contribution onto women’s history.

Women say that we don’t understand a woman’s suffering when she goes into labor.  We don’t!  But I would not complain if I was given the opportunity to endure labor.  Why?  Because that would mean that I’d be given Maternal Leave.  Yes, I said the L word.  Not because I want to get off from work, but because that would mean I’d have more time with my kid.  Think about it.  Lets say that a man really loves his new born child.  Imagine how much time he’s given to be with his son.  Not more than 6 hours a day during weekdays.  Its true.  Usually when I wake up, the baby is still asleep and when I get home more often than not, he’s ready to go to sleep again.  We husbands are not given the amount of time that their wives are having with their babies.  We still haven’t deducted the amount of time the baby spends sucking milk. 

There are times when I wish I could spend more time with my baby.  Sometime it breaks my heart that I cant be with my baby because I have to either go to work, buy groceries for my family or run errands because my wife has to stay with the baby.  Even the times when I’m driving, I cant even take a glimpse of my kid because all my focus has to go on watching the road. 

Given all these circumstances, I’d gladly take the place of a woman anytime.   

Therefore, I’d like to rephrase the quote I mentioned earlier….

"THE CYCLE OF LIFE IS A PRIVILEGE GIVEN TO US.  THE SUFFERINGS AND HARDSHIPS WE ENDURE FOR OUR CHILDREN ARE MEANT TO ENHANCE THE JOYOUS EXPERIENCE OF BEING A PARENT."

After finally deciding to do my newest blog post, I had to think of what topic to discuss.  Well, since I have been spending most of my time these days listening to Progressive Rock, I decided to feature the band "Dream Theater".

For those of you who dont know what Progressive Rock is, here a brief (yeah right) definition:
Progressive Rock

No matter how hard I try to deny it, Im a big fan of "80’s rock" music.  Bands like Queensryche, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Skid Row, Gun and Roses, etc. have been part of my playlist ever since I first listen to rock music in the late 80’s.  I was obsessed with the high-pitched vocal style, aggressive guitar and bass solos, changing tempos, long compositions, concept albums and an affinity to classical music.  I guess its not hard to comprehend why it was easy for me to relate to Progressive Rock.

As far as Dream Theater is concerned, they are what I consider one of the leading bands in the Progressive Rock genre.  The first time I encountered Dream Theater was in Guitar Player, where the magazine featured one of their songs.  When I studied their tab, I said to myself "What the fuck!  I’ve never encountered a guitar tab like this!"  I couldn’t believe the guitarist was this good.  After that time, I kept visiting the local "Odyssey" outlets to see if they got the album.  After 2 years of searching, I finally found a copy of their "Images and Words" album   at Pop Station and true enough the music was undeniably amazing.

For those who are interested, I would personally suggest listening to old albums like "Images and Words", "Awake", "Falling Into Infinity" and "Change of Seasons" where you’d hear the longest song in their career, "Change of Seasons" (23:08).  Also, try out the live albums "Live in New York" and "Live At Bukodan".  For their concept album, I also suggest the "Metropolis.2: Scenes from a Memory".   Listen to the music, and let it speak for itself.

Keep rockin’ progressively!!!

Today, nothing is working.  My email.  The internet.  Even my bank
account is in shambles.  Its totally boring and I hate it.  I hate this day!
Godamnit!!!  Mother-fucking piece of shit!!!  I cant even use WinAmp and listen to music…..  DO NOT WANT!!!!

What the hell is a blog???

"A blog is basically a journal that is available on the
web. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who
keeps a blog is a "blogger." Blogs are typically updated daily using
software that allows people with little or no technical background to
update and maintain the blog."

"Blog is short for Web log. Blogs are publicly available
web pages, with personal views and links expressing the opinions and
observations of a particular person, usually on a specific topic or
theme and are usually updated regularly reflecting the personality of
the author."

So why do we do blogs?  Who the ‘fuck’ knows!!!  Hell, even i dont know but i still do it.  Its crazy!  Its talagang crazy!!!  hehehe….  :)  Just read the definition, maybe when were a bit older we’ll figure it out.  Or maybe, just maybe, some arrogant genius will give us some really absurd definition (God knows where he got it from).  Until then…. lets all go to the bathroom and good and long piss.  Oooohhhh… that feels good!!!